It might be that I mentioned we have a little black furry sometimes quiet annoying housemate. Our "new" cat. (Actually she is already a year old - not so "new" any more). In my life several cats have come and gone. This cat really is different. And she really gets on my nerves sometimes and I would like to just throw her out and never let in again. But - and that's the point - I'm only annoyed but what she does, not annoyed of her. I really love her, although I still get scratch marks from time to time. (All my other cats have been quite different so I figure it really is something todo with her character and not my "education". Not to say I believe I could really educate my cats.) When she gets me, I'm really angry. But I know she doesn't do it to make me angry. Just something went wrong. And she can't really tell me any other way. But when she's late in coming home I realize how much I care about her. Regardless of what she does. And not to say that she also brings a lot of joy into my life.

I really try to differentiate between behaviour and the person. Also with our daughter. Sometimes she does things that annoy me (which 3-year old doesn't). But I say her that I don't like what she does. And not that she makes me this or that or even that what she does is wrong/bad/whatever. Usually I try to find out what motivated her to show the behaviour. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes not. Sometimes I'm too tired. That's just it. I can't make anyone behave a certain way. Not even me! (Really - I tried so many times to not eat that chocolate - I still do). And you know what - I also think that I don't have the right to say "you are annoying". Who am I to judge you? Who am I to tell you that you are wrong? And why should I make myself the victim if I blame it on the other person? And I don't want to rely on anyone to change so that I feel better.

What do you think?