This morning I had an insight. Suddenly and totally unexpected. And I have no idea why. And also I have no idea why I didn't see that before. You know - all the time I knew that it was just a thought bugging me. But it felt so real! What happened? We have two cats and one of them needs medication twice a day. She is having problems with her thyroid. In the morning it's my turn to make sure she takes the pill. In the evening it's my husband's turn. And just in case you don't know what it means to have to give a cat a pill read this (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC372253/). Luckily our cat isn't that bad. You just have to hide the pill inside some treats and she takes it. Just sometimes she somehow manages to spit it out when my husband is trying to give it to her. And the next morning when I find the pill lying somewhere I get really upset about it. Because the cat needs the pill.
So this morning when just giving her the treats I suddenly think: "It's really no big deal if she doesn't swallow the stupid pill one time. Why are you so upset about it?" And it really isn't a big deal. The cat was very happy without the pills for several weeks before we realized something was wrong with her. It didn't kill her instantly. She is just very slim now. I realized that I myself was making it a big deal. Not my husband, not my cat. Just me believing the thoughts. And than I wondered how it was possible that I didn't see that before. And herein lies the magic...
You can only see what you see at the time you see it. And as long as you don't see - there is no use in beating yourself up. For whatever reason in that particular moment I was open for a new thought. Rally open and I really got it. Not just theorie but really, really got it. The point is - you can't make yourself see something. It just happens. The only thing you can do is stay open. Look in the direction and hopefully the day will come that you see. And until that day - just be kind to yourself.