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Do you know that? You are waiting at a red traffic light and you check your phone without thinking about it to see if some new "important" message came in. Within the last five minutes since you checked at the last traffic light. Today I realized that this has become a real habit for me. After having been to the supermarket I my bag including my mobile phone into the trunk. And than - not only a red traffic light but I also had to wait for the train passing through. And that was strange. Waiting there withough being distracted by my phone. And I had time to ponder.

I can remember the times I didn't own a mobile phone. When there was a red traffic light I just waited. I didn't get nervous or felt I should do something "meaningfull" during that time. Why is it that now I get so nervous? Probably I kind of fell for the "zeitgeist". To always be productive. Not waste a minute. It's the mantra of modern day mobile technology. And sadly it can be seen everywhere - also in everyday life. Not only at work we get the feeling of having to be constantly productive. Also in our free time. And I can even see myself thinking that when playing with my daughter. That I would rather do something "productive" now thatn just playing. I mean - there are lots of things that would love to been done.

But suddenly something struck me. All that is just a thought! Who does define what is "productive" and what is "a waste of time"? Do I really want to follow the rules of those never resting? The ones who say they'll enjoy their life after retirement? And than get a heart attack or something like that just before or shortly after retirment? No! It is JUST A THOUGHT! And I remember the times I didn't have that thought. I was so relaxed and enjoyed staring out the window or sitting on a treee for hours. Being happy! Our bodies are not made to be constantly running and doing. The need some rest. And so does our soul. Honestly - is there something more meaningful than giving my daughter my undivided attention? Playing with her just for the sake of playing? Just living?

My mobile phone is staying in my handbag now when waiting at a traffic light!

Perhaps for you the answer to this question is quite simple. From time to time it's difficult for me. Yesterday I read something in a book (Coming Home: Uncovering the Foundations of Psychological Well-being, Bettinger, Dr. Dicken) that really helped me: intuition is calm, quiet and without any special reason you know what to do and when. Ego is excited and leads to bustling activity. As I read that I could suddenly see clearly how this applied to my life. It's exactly like that. When my inner wisdom - my intuition - was guiding me, I knew with absolut clarity what to do. And I was calm and relaxed. I did one thing after the other. There was no doubt no hesitation. It doesn't matter what I did in my life. If done that way and with that guidance it just worked out like magic. Quietly without any hustle and bustle. One example was going to Canada for my dipoma thesis. I just wanted to go to Canada. I still can't tell why. And I got two contacts. But I only wrote to one. And it worked. Just like that. I had a fantastic time I will never forget!

And when my ego "guided" me? Mostly it ended in a bigger or smaller disaster. And if I'm honest - I usually had some not so good feelings. But what is more important: I wasn't 100% sure. Asking others was just one symptom. Discussing, thinking. Postponing. The ideas didn't unravel so well. Or I was looking for "signs". And there was this feeling of urgency. That it has to be done now! Just a totally different energy.

What I'm really curious is, if I'm able to apply this to future ideas to come. We'll see. But it made a whole lot of difference to me to see that I have the chance to get the difference. And I see quite a few things of not going so well in a different light. I understand better what went wrong. And as a consequence of these insights I'm going to cancel my meditation evenings and workshops until further notice. Offering something like that is a great idea but not quite right for me at the moment. When my intuition tells me to offer it again I'll let you know.

There is a basic concept I'd like to explore today. It's the thing with the "click". You know there are really lots of things I learned in the past years and I kind of think I get them. It sounds logic and feels right. And I have the feeling that it can really only be that way. But actually - it's only intellectual. You could say it's only in my head and not in my heart. Like - "yeah - it's probably that way but not for me. I'm the only exception". But one day I hear something or read something or nothing particular happens - I'm just driving my car. And suddenly there is a "click" and I really understand what was meant. I understand what it means for my life. And with each "cklick" my life gets easier. More relaxed.

What actually makes me "click" I don't know. It just happens. But the frequency with which it happens increases. The more I trust in life the more I understand it seems. And the more I learn about life, the world and how it works. Probably my regular meditation practice also is part of it. For sure it's a great difference if there was a "click" or there wasn't. If there was one than I experienced what it means. With my own words and examples from my life. That makes it a lot easier to talk about. It's the difference between mere information and understadning. Fact is - already the mere information has helped me a lot. But the big difference comes with understanding. Or as I sometimes put it: "it went from my head into my heart".

Do you know that? Have you experienced it? What changed for you?

Who doesn't know it? The feeling of doing everything wrong. Actually I can't remember when it started - it's been there so long. It wasn't there when I was a kid that's for sure. But somehow it crept in. And one day I was even afraid to take medication or to not take medication. Propably depending on the moon and the stars ;-) And for years I was scared I had damaged my vertebras because I went and got my Atlas adjusted. For a short time everything was great but as the treatment didn't solve the root cause my problems came back - even worse (the root cause was cummulated stress). Nowadays I'm often scared that I mess up with my daughter. Or with my freelance work. Or this or that or...

The thing is: There is no right or wrong. That's all made up by society. We get told again and again and again what is seemingly right or wrong. It starts very early. For example telling children to please eat right. Hm - the food made it to the stomach - what's wrong about that? Or that they don't play the game right. Maybe they don't play it as it was intended but everyone is having lots of fun. Isn't that the point in playing? What is right in our society is wrong in another. We are allowed to eat pork. Chinese can eat cats and dogs without being looked at. You now - everything we do, in exactly that moment we don't know any better. Seriously - have you found a manual for this game calles "life"? I haven't. That means we're all kind of blind. And we try. Sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes what worked out yesterday doesn't today. Sometimes we learn that there was an easier way to do it. Sometimes we learn that it was a very bad idea. Yes - that's life. And "bad ideas make the best memories". Hav fun! :-)

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